Eternal Bittersweet Struggle

It’s hard to figure out what is it that you really, really really want in life. Denials, peer pressure, practicality, incapability, below sea level self-esteem, staying in your comfort zone, etc(end of thinking capacity)— these are just some of the things that hinder us from knowing what’re our hearts’ greatest and deepest aspirations and dreams.

Luckily, I discovered mine.

Last night though, I browsed through this creative journal called Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith and while browsing I found myself getting lost in certain pages in the journal. To the point that I was trying to question myself as to what kind of job will I land to after college, are the things that I know in writing enough, will shifting from a business course to an artsy-fartsy one do me any good? What am I really good at? Am I good at anything? Am I good enough?

This particular page is the total feeling that I’ve felt last night. Blank. But then, it had me thinking. Maybe, this is just a phase in my life that I need to undergo through so as to realize that I have to learn new things more and embrace the changes in this world, but remain to be who I really am. If you don’t get what I’m trying to say, then call me obscure. Because truly, I am.

I also noticed that I haven’t written anything in this specific page, the page of good thoughts. Where are them good thoughts at? Sure, there are some good thoughts that are running through my mind from time to time, but someday I will write some good thoughts that’ll be worthy enough for this precious page.

I am a mess. And I need to clean myself up. No, not literally… You know what I mean. Like I said, it’s a phase. Being messed up makes you realize a lot of things. And only then will you start to declutter your life and start anew and fresh.

I found my happy place in writing a few years ago. I was on the verge of quitting last night but with putting too much thought to it I learned that it’s too precious to quit something that’s really close to my heart and not to mention, my passion. So no, I am not giving up writing. Not ever. I am now leaving you with a cheesy sign that I made from the journal. Don’t judge me… I’m not creative.

Don’t ever, ever give up your dream. It might be rainy now but the sun will shine down on you eventually and remember that there is a sunshine that never fails that will lead you to the road to sunshine. :)